


wishing to be the friction in your jeans

by xerampelinae



Series: pull the blackout curtains down [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coda, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:20:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xerampelinae/pseuds/xerampelinae
Summary: There’s a moment of silence, Keith towing his prisoner back to the Castle, the others considering the weeks in which Lance pursued the Sex Shack Scandal, which still haunts him to the current day. This has the makings of another Scandal with capitals. The trouble with Lance is that most of the things he identifies as Keith’s hubris is his own; Lance’s unfortunate downfall is always his own fault.“Wait a minute,” Hunk says inadvisedly. “Shiro, you say something, you’re our responsible leader.”“Well,” Shiro coughs. “Education is always important. On a scale of age-appropriate information, this is the time, but not the setting per se.”-Coda to a Coda. Following the Sex Shack Scandal is the Tailgating Scandal, which involves more discussion of manscaping/landscaping than you might expect.





	wishing to be the friction in your jeans

“Go faster--you’re not going fast enough!” Lance yells across the comms. “You’re going to lose our only lead.”

“I’m already right on his tail,” Keith says through gritted teeth, determinedly clinging to his focus. Lance scoffs, and he’s really the one to blame for what comes out of Keith’s mouth. “If I get any closer, I’ll be right up his ass into his mouth.”

The comms go silent, which distracted Keith appreciates. With a satisfied grin, he adjusts Red’s controls and carefully snags the wayward ship in Red’s jaws. It’s a move borrowed off of Pidge, of course, but Keith carefully refrains from flinging his prize into another ship.

“You’re not supposed to go ass to mouth,” Pidge says.

“True,” Keith notes absentmindedly.

Lance shrieks discordantly across the comms and Hunk audibly buries his head in his hands. Because they’re all in helmets, Hunk’s words still carry clearly. “You’re too young to know about that kind of thing, Pidge, you’re like, eternally fifteen.”

Pidge scoffs. “I’m a child prodigy. I’ve been on the internet for a while.”

“Forget that,” Lance manages desperately, “ _I’m_ too young to know about that stuff.”

There’s a moment of silence, Keith towing his prisoner back to the Castle, the others considering the weeks in which Lance pursued the Sex Shack Scandal, which still haunts him to the current day. This has the makings of another Scandal with capitals. The trouble with Lance is that most of the things he identifies as Keith’s hubris is his own; Lance’s unfortunate downfall is always his own fault.

“Wait a minute,” Hunk says inadvisedly. “Shiro, you say something, you’re our responsible leader.”

“Well,” Shiro coughs. “Education is always important. On a scale of age-appropriate information, this is the time, but not the setting per se.”

“Would it really matter?” Lance says. “We’re galaxies from home, what does it matter?”

“Space STDs are still STDs,” Keith says, and with deliberate weight, “as do the existence of interstellar hybrids. Are you ready for parenthood?”

There’s a moment where they all try not to picture Krolia investigating the viability of Galra-human hybridization. And all the different alien girls Lance has been known to chase. Even Hunk is not thinking of himself and Shay.

“Right,” Lance says, reeling back in his pilot’s chair a little.

“Do we need to have the safe space sex talk?” Pidge wonders aloud. “I might still have a copy of the slideshow Matt and I made for his Garrison class.”

“That was a good presentation,” Keith says dreamily.

Shiro hums in agreement. “Ryu was ready to haul Matt in front of Iverson before we demonstrated it was within project parameters. And then it was selected for a poster session so Iverson saw it anyways.”

“It wasn’t the Kama Sutra, if you were wondering,” Pidge says, alight with the memory of it. “Our mom’s a biologist and provided some speculative studies on xenobiological reproductive morphology and some outdated literature on human reproduction from the turn of the century.”

“The science fiction section was a nice touch,” Keith says. “Revolutionary in terms of implications.”

Shiro and Pidge are nodding along. “Maybe we should have Matt present his poster or slideshow,” Shiro says, in a tone of Reasonable Authority Figure.

“Hold that thought,” Hunk says. “There’s the Castle. I just want to land safely--”

“Alright,” Shiro says. “Head to your launch bays and get cleaned up. We can talk more tomorrow. Keith, we’ll swing around to the main hangar and drop off our guest with Allura.”

The comms ring out with a chorus of agreements, and then go silent.

-

“I’m begging you, Pidge,” Lance says, as they all walk down the hallway where the Paladin bedrooms are, “Don’t encourage them, I don’t think I can survive it.”

“Oh?” Pidge says. “Personally, I don’t think I can survive watching you manscape in a communal bathroom again.”

“Hey!” Lance yelps. “Hunk was there too!”

Hunk sends Lance a betrayed look.

“We all know Hunk was there on behalf of you and your ‘bonding’ time,” Pidge says. “It’s not the matter of _landscaping_ so much as how public it was. You’ve got a room, Lance.”

“There are no locks,” Lance says. “And my bathroom is way too small for any two bipeds at any one time.”

“Shared bathroom,” Pidge repeats.

“You expect a degree of exposure and privacy in a bathroom,” Lance insists. “Why don’t we ask the others--”

In his distraction, Lance manages to knock in a way that opens the door with a quiet noise.

“Ask what?” Keith says quietly from within Shiro’s room. Lance looks first and freezes, the others copying him a moment later. Through the dimly-lit room they can see Keith in the bed nook. His bare arms curl loosely around Shiro’s shoulders; his eyes are guileless, if annoyed, as they peer at the doorway. Shiro, meanwhile, is frozen, back to them and a flush working up his ears, his vest loose in a way that says it’s been fastened all the way. Innocuously, Keith’s knees peek over Shiro’s hips.

“Just, uh, how we need to talk with Coran about door locks,” Hunk says.

“Not a bad idea,” Keith says, arms tightening around Shiro’s shoulders.

The sight causes something to snap in Lance. “Alright--hands where can see them--both of you!”

“Mm,” Keith says. “No.”

Pidge and Hunk freeze with their hands up. Lance sputters. Keith shifts impossibly closer to Shiro, rising up just enough to hook a leg around Shiro’s hips and then sinking back down. The drag of his chest along Shiro’s is audible at a distance, if only because of the sudden silence.

Lance blindly grabs Hunk and Pidge, dragging them backwards into the hall. This, he thought, was not the kind of demon you showed your back or vulnerability to. Finally, they’re back in the hallway, door shutting behind them, and they can relax a little.

“I would rather _landscape_ with you two than do that again,” Pidge says. “I don’t even do my legs or anything nuts like you.”

“Agreed,” Hunk says. “If anything comes up, send Coran and then meet in the shared bathroom?”

Pidge and Lance nod and they continue their retreat.

-

“So, Mr. Retro Punk,” Keith murmurs, once the voices move on from the hallway, “going to show me how much you want to be the friction in my jeans?”*

“If you’d like,” Shiro says, face suffused with a blush, “or I could show you what I’d do if you were church.”**

“Oh?” Keith says, encouraging.

“Yeah,” Shiro says, leaning in. Keith goes easily, lying back in the narrow bed. “I’d confess my love. Get on my knees.”**

“Do it,” Keith says, and then they don’t speak much for the rest of the night.

-

“So why do you landscape?” Pidge asks.

“I’m a swimmer,” Lance says, “it reduces drag. I picked up the habit once I ended up a competitive swimmer. My buddy Hunk here did it so I wouldn’t be the only one.”

“I’ve been stuck with him ever since,” Hunk says, but he’s grinning. They all are.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Going Down". * is a paraphrase from the same song. ** is a paraphrase from Fall Out Boy's "Church."  
> This fic is the product of a rare discussion with my sister of me&fandom, strategic playing of Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda", and most importantly, our deceased grandmother's leadfooted driving tendencies because IDK, California drivers.  
> I'm projecting my own musical tastes here, but Shiro loves Fall Out Boy and Linkin Park and Keith has a great love of Lana Del Rey. While Shiro's away, Keith spends a lot of time listening to Shiro's music. I bet he had some quiet cries listening to "Castle of Glass" and watching the sun rise.


End file.
